Three Circles of Concern

Frustration, irritation, anger, and worry come from our inability to accept what is as we try to make it what we want it to be. Our difficulties come in trying to identify the things that should concern us and those that don’t.

A practical solution is to view our concerns in three categories. Visualize them as three circles; at the centre is ‘those things we can change’, surrounding it are ‘those things we can influence’ and an outer circle of ‘those things we cannot change nor influence’

Those things we can change are everything that we can control. It may be a dripping tap which causes irritation, but can be fixed. When it comes to emotions, beliefs, and attitudes then we need to accept that it is only ourselves who can change. We are the ones that have the power to overcome our ahamkara; no-one else. Jesus grew up in a Jewish tradition, but we can read in Thomas how he changed; changed to such an extent that he not only became a Spiritual Master, but his teachings were so radical that he died for them. This leads us to the second circle: those things we can influence.

Those things we can influence is the power we have to alter some things. For example, we should vote in elections, perhaps withdraw our economic support from a business or organization that does not meet our beliefs or standards, or aid a friend in their time of need. This is the circle in which Jesus worked in his ministry. He talked, he illustrated, and by his presence he influenced the lives of many he came into contact with. He did not coerce, nor did he try to change people; he simply tried to influence them. Of course there were many who were not affected by his message, and in Thomas, we can read of Jesus’ frustration at their blindness. But he accepted them as those who could not be changed nor influenced.

Those things we cannot change nor influence is probably the largest circle of them all! We cannot change the weather, yet we fret when it rains or snows; we get irritated in a traffic jam but cannot do anything about it; we get angry at someone’s bad behaviour, yet rarely speak up; we worry about the state of the roads, house prices, interest rates, the economy, and the myriads of things beyond our control. Jesus lived during Roman occupation of his lands, yet he did not become a rebel, lead an uprising, complain at the price of lamb. He restricted himself to a small number of concerns.

Consider these circles of concern. Realize that there are only a small number of things which we can really be concerned about: those that we can change, or those we can influence. The rest just lead to frustration, irritation, anger, and worry.